A house divided
Judy Conlin
I live in a house divided. No, it is not a political division. No, it isn’t a sports division. It’s a far more serious division because it involves everything in my life. It is the division between me and my always aggravating, argumentative and opinionated alter ego, Nurse Judy. If I’m for something, she’s against it. She has no respect for me and my opinions but has a clear and constant opinion of me. She believes I’m an old, over-the hill, a bit senile and totally out of it frump. She, on the other hand, believes herself to be young, gorgeous, fashionable, sophisticated, and capable of making the best decisions for both of us. This is a true division.
The last few weeks have been a testament to her bothersome interference in my life. Let me explain.
For the first time in a long time, I had a small pot of money left over from my closed savings accounts, CDs, etc. I was not going to invest it for my old age as I guess I am already there. I was going to spend it.At this point Nurse Judy and I were on the same page. Spending is one of her favorite things.
The trouble, of course, was what we were going to spend it on. Nurse Judy’s ideas ran to plastic surgery, shoes, handbags, hats, and clothes for all occasions, as bedecked bejeweled and covered with lace and ribbons as possible. There was not one practical item on her list.
My list consisted of deciding 1 out of 3 things that I wanted. I’d like new kitchen counters, or a whole house generator, or a new car as mine was getting to the end of its warranty and was going to begin costing me money. I couldn’t decide which one I needed the most, but Nurse Judy was against all three of them. Immediate gratification is what she wants.
From this point on, we argued day and night and it was not a very pleasant place to live. It got so bad that the cats were packing their bags and deciding to turn feral again. I love my cats and did not want to lose them, so I set my foot down. “We’re getting a new car,” I said.
After much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, curiosity got the best of her. “Why did you choose the car?” she asked.
“Well,”’ I said, “It was the only one that fit in the amount of money I had to spend. The kitchen was a bit out of reach and a whole house generator was way out of budget range, Besides a car is the most practical.”
“Why do you say that?” she asked, her pout returning.
I’d see the kitchen every day and enjoy the counters, but I couldn’t cook if I couldn’t get to the store to get groceries. I’d love to have the generator if the electricity is off during a hurricane, but If I have a reliable car, we could drive somewhere with electricity.
She’s still mad and glowering when we drive off to look at cars. They only had 2 in the showroom that met our criteria and of course she wanted the most expensive model. I disappointed both her and the sales crew by saying I wasn’t buying a car having only looked at 2. I put the buying on hold for a week.
When I returned, they had a new shipment of cars, and I viewed them all. There were only 2 that met my criteria (budgetary and otherwise). One was red and one was white.. You can guess which one she chose. She had visions of herself racing around Havana in a new red car. “I would be viewed as a queen,” she said.
I am far more conservative and voted for the white one. She was adamant for the red. I began polling my friends. They all voted for the red. I couldn’t believe it. Was Nurse Judy more in the know than I believed? I began leaning toward the red one. Then one of my friends reconsidered. “I think the white would look better with a Seminole spear and your initials on it,” she said.
That’s all it took. I bought the white one. Nurse Judy went from rage to almost civility when I bought her a white beaded gown to match the car.. Our house will no longer be divided when I present her with the pearl necklace and earrings that are almost the exact shade of the car.
I love that car. I’m proud of myself. I won this time. I smile as I tell this to the cats. They smile back. There seems to be a little mischief in their smile.
“They can’t wait to climb on that car with their muddy feet,” she says with a grin. “The red and black one would never have showed the dirt like this one.”
I still love the car, but I’m not sure who won . At least everyone is smiling.
More later,Judy
www.nursejudyinfo.com
