Becoming the wife Bert thought he married
Years ago, I was critical and angry with my husband, Bert. The more he put his work and needs ahead of me and our relationship, the worse my attitude became.
I felt rejected, and I wasn’t shy about letting him know how I felt.
One day, our conflict boiled over. “We can’t go on like this. I want a divorce,” Bert said, throwing his wedding ring onto the coffee table as he headed to the garage. His words sliced through me as I crumpled to the floor.
“God, please change me!” I cried, clutching Bert’s wedding ring. I felt God’s gentle, albeit convicting, nudging. Whether my behavior was “justified” or not, as an imitator of Christ, it was not God-honoring (nor Bert-honoring).
For the next several weeks, I began to practice the principles presented in Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ and R. T. Kendall’s books (“Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” and “Total Forgiveness,” respectively), which caused me to think and behave differently. I treated Bert more respectfully and, with God’s help, chose to forgive him for his failures while continuing to take responsibility for mine.
I didn’t do everything perfectly, but my repentance was real. As I prayed constantly and meditated on God’s Word every day, I sensed God’s presence penetrating my innermost being.
My hope grew. Thankfully, so did my understanding of my significance and calling in Jesus. As a Christ-follower, I’m called to lovingly serve my husband, even when he “doesn’t deserve it.” Doing this doesn’t diminish my value. It fulfills me.
Whenever I chose to honor and respect Bert, it brought me joy – and moved my marriage in a better direction. I started to behave like the wife I prayed to be – the wife Bert thought he married.
Then, one incredible evening, Bert came to me with tears in his eyes. “Sheryl, I’ve never had anyone love me like you do. I’ve never had someone who was willing to stay with me, in spite of my selfish, self-centered behavior.” He reached for my hand and pulled me closer. “Will you forgive me?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I covered my mouth with my hands and laughed – and cried! Was this really happening?
Bert left the room and came back with his wedding ring. He slid it onto his finger and said, “I’ll never take it off again.” More tears filled his eyes. “I’ve been a fool, Sheryl.”
Bert asked me to forgive him for the years of rejection, and I asked him to forgive me for my years of disrespectful behavior. He pulled me close, and we held each other for a long, long while. What an incredible turnaround – brought about by an incredible God!
Sheryl H. Boldt is a faith columnist and the author of the blog www.TodayCanBeDifferent.net. You can reach her at SherylHBoldt@gmail.com.
