The Party Girl
Judy Conlin
A mad Nurse Judy (my militant alter ego) rushed into my office this morning, almost foaming at the mouth.
“Are you writing a Nurse Judy article?” she demanded.
“Yes, I am,” I said defensively.
“You didn’t write a Labor Day article last week,” she said.
“So?”
“Why not?”
“Because we weren’t doing anything special, so I had nothing to write about. What difference does it make to you what I put in my column?”
Her face gets red and her eyes bug out. “It’s the only way I know what’s going on in our lives. I depend on the columns to know when a holiday is coming up so I can prepare for it.”
“And why would you be preparing for a Labor Day holiday? You haven’t done a bit of labor in your whole life.”
She looks me in the eye. “I am the one who makes holidays fun. I dress for whatever occasion is being celebrated. I show up for the celebration looking stunning. I schmooze with the guests. I get the music and the dancing going. I pass out the hot dogs, hamburgers or canapés or Christmas cookies, whatever is relevant for the occasion. I am everyone’s favorite party girl.”
“Well, there was no party.”
“That’s what I’m complaining about. You didn’t even decorate, which would have given me a clue that a celebration was coming up. You didn’t even hang up an American flag. That would have worked. You hung up a Seminoles flag.”
“The Seminoles had a game that night, and I planned for us to watch that and eat chicken wings.”
“Did you consult me? No, you didn’t. I am not a football fan. How can you dress up for that? You just put on a Noles T-shirt and a cap. That is not Nurse Judy’s style. Besides, they lost, and I don’t eat your greasy chicken wings. Too much fat. That’s why you’re so fat and dowdy and why I am still a stunner.”
“Whoa, there, lady. Now you’ve gone too far. Whether they lost or not does not matter. They are our team, and we are loyal to them no matter what.”
“They are your team, not mine,” she says. “I will not be loyal to them. I hope they get beaten badly by the Gators this year. What do you think of that?”
It’s my turn to have a bright red face with bulgy eyes. She has gone too far. You cannot say such a thing and live in the Tallahassee area.
My voice is trembling. “You take that back,” I scream. “You take that back or get out of my house and out of my life forever.”
There is dead silence. Nurse Judy has never seen me like this. She is struck dumb, but only for a moment.
“Even if I take it back, they still could lose,” she starts off.
“Out,” I say.
“I suppose they could win,” she says hesitantly.
“Out,” I say.
“OK, OK. I’ll cheer for them no matter what,” she says.
“Good,” I say. “Now get into FSU garb, and I’ll give you a red, white and blue cupcake to celebrate Labor Day. But this fall, we are a football family, and we will have a party every game day, and I promise no fatty wings.”
She thinks about this, but only for a moment. Then her eyes light up.
“Well, let’s get in the car and get to an FSU store. I need some new girly FSU clothes.”
I sigh. I won, or did I?
More later,
Judy
www.nursejudyonfo.com
