Cleaning the porch
Judy Conlin
I have a large screened in porch that stretches across the whole back of my house. Wanting it to be pretty, I paid big bucks to have the concrete floor painted with sparkles. It looked nice but then I inherited a little dog who, before I got to know his schedules, he used to do his business on the porch. It was easy to clean up, but the cleaner had an adverse effect on the floor, turning it dark in patches. No matter how I scrubbed, the dark could not be removed.
I next decided to buy big round colorful rugs to help cover the splotchy floor. This worked for a day or two, but with all the rainy weather those rugs were soon a mess, covered with mud, wet leaves and cat fur. I could not keep them clean.
The floor isn’t the only problem. Having lived in this house for almost 40 years, I have collected a lot of stuff. Although the house has 2500 square feet, it somehow has gotten packed. The overflow has migrated to the porch.
The cat’s pet door leads to the porch. Therefore, their paraphernalia has also invaded the area, including their old litterbox and their new unused upscale litter box. Litterboxes require a lot of equipment such as brooms, mops and dust pans , oodles of plastic bags, scoopers, deodorizing sprays etc., etc. etc. To hide some of these items I put up a decorative screen. Bad mistake. I began dumping all kinds of stuff behind that screen such as sacks of birdseed, bags of kitty litter, huge piles of plastic bags, the electric insert from the fireplace, old wreaths, plant covers for cold weather. It is a mess and looks much worse than Fibber McGee’s closet.
Two huge outdoor chests have also found their way to the porch. One is filled with holiday decorations. The other is filled with my vast, mostly unused, supply of flags, holiday wreaths and more plant cover-ups. It is pathetic. I do have two outside sheds (also stuffed), but as age has crept up on me, carrying items from those distances has seemed too much, for lazy me. It is much easier to just get them from the porch.
On top of all these things there are , of course, the plants who enjoy living on the porch, but also require certain items for their upkeep. One must have gardening gloves, potting soil, trowels, clippers, watering cans, fertilizer, and a calm peaceful environment, as well as love.
You now have this very long explanation of how the porch has gotten into this mess and why it was a top priority on my spring cleaning list. It will soon be summer, and I have hardly made a dent in it. I have given to charity, thrown away and given away oodles of items but the porch is still a mess. Buying the big sophisticated unused litterbox did not help the situation. I am getting depressed.
Nurse Judy, my alter ego with the messed up brain, walks onto the porch. “This is a mess,” she says, hands on hips.
“You think so?” I ask as if it was all new to me.
“Just use your eyes,” she says. “Clean it up.”
“I’ve been trying for weeks, but it hasn’t improved,” I whine. “Any suggestions?”
She gives me that Nurse Judy look. “Burn it down,” she says.
I gasp. “I can’t do that,” I say. “That would burn the house down too.”
She thinks about this. “Have someone bulldoze it down.” She finally says.
“I can’t do that,” I say. “That would ruin the house,”
“Then you’ll just have to clean it,” she says and starts to walk away. Then, she turns and adds, “And don’t expect me to help you.”
I certainly never expected her to help me. She’s never helped me once in all our life. I shrug, put on my apron, grab my cleaning supplies and go out on the porch Maybe I’ll be done by fall cleaning time. In the meantime, please use my front door.
More later,Dirty porch Judy
www.nursejudyinfo.com
